Clean-up in Aisle 5

French Optimism, an eternal oxymoron

2011-04-19T11:17:00.012+02:00

I recently read an article in an online magazine that inspired me to write another post, or rather a new series of posts, pointing out the differences between the psyche of two great nations, USA and France.

Whether it is through their TV shows, movies or pop culture, we are all aware of the massive force that is American confidence. Sometimes we ask ourselves where is this magic well that fuels their seemingly impenetrable conviction to succeed? It's that cliché thought that you can be anyone and anywhere if you want it badly enough. Simply and cleanly put, it is the American Dream. I don't want to go out and just blatantly promote the American way, but rather portray what I believe to be the universal handicap of the French society.

Let us first start by identifying the problem. Pessimism is a widespread presence in all mundane aspects of French life. When I arrived in France, the first thing that struck me as bizarre was the paradoxal state of the English language. American culture is literally everywhere and the English language is defining modern French colloquial expressions like never before. Hence, one would think that a country welcoming so much English vocabulary in their already opulent and beautiful language would characterize a decent command of today's international language. Think again! The current English level of most citizens is appalling. I am convinced that somebody who has lived in a cave their entire life would not be much worse.

While I employed the above exaggeration for effect, it is not far away from the truth. Let's look at why. The first step to learning and mastering a new language is daily exposure. Without a two way exchange, progress cannot be made. It is often said that the French speak better English when they're drunk. As ridiculous as it may sound, I have often observed it to be true. Is alcohol some magical linguistic potion? No, of course not. It's just a way for the French to escape this ever-growing pessimistic virus that governs them. The number one stumbling block I have noticed with most French people is fear. Fear of failure. Fear of making mistakes without knowing it in a language they barely know. While this is a natural sentiment for anybody learning a new language, the French have mutated this into an inherent DOA attitude towards speaking English. This in addition to the dubbing of all Hollywood media has resulted in total isolation.

It would take a national Herculean effort (or lot's and lot's of alcohol) to encourage citizens to defeat their unreasonable fears of the English language. One would have to develop a positive attitude towards speaking and no longer be afraid of failure. All in all, they should borrow a little confidence from the Americans they all secretly love and admire. Come on you adorable frogs, you can do it...I believe in you!

Like a G6

2011-01-14T14:46:00.003+01:00

This all looks familiar. You know that excitement you sometimes get when you watch this week's new episode of your favourite show? Everything seems crisp, funny and exciting. The jokes just seem to hit the spot don't they? Now there are different types of jokes. There are jokes that are funny only fresh, and some that get funnier each time. Some are just stale from the start. Humans work that way too. Some people don't understand that they should try new material. Or if you are going to use old material, use it on a brand new audience. There is nothing worse than to see a show retell the same old joke from a previous season or previous show as if it were original. One would think that the safest thing is to stick to new material each time. How do you know you don't have any returning fans in the audience? You might get away with it once or twice, but eventually, the show gets canceled.

Cruise Control

2010-07-13T16:54:00.009+02:00

A fresh new playing surface, that's what the spring has given me. A rejuvenation, a rebirth really. A way of life where positive thinking is served fresh daily and failure is discarded like an old shoe. That's the way I choose to live my life. After all, failure is only nurtured by our own thoughts. I have collected them all, like a dreamcatcher, and watched them vanish into the thin air. It's a total Tetris elimination of all of life's challenges. As the speed increases at which pieces drop, I shift them into their fitted place without any hesitation.

Shoulders straight, eyes up ahead, ready for victory.

Snails, Clams, Crabs, Legs

2010-04-28T02:09:00.008+02:00

Bad jokes. Bad, bad, bad...really bad jokes. I would think one would be enough...but two? three? FOUR??? Okay, I realize none of this is making any sense but why the hell would it? Does anything ever make sense any longer? Did it ever? Okay maybe once...but I bet you that it was by accident. In fact, accidents might be the only thing on this planet that still make sense...gibberish or genius? You decide, either way...I don't care. I need a metaphor, a clever little metaphor. I'll be back when I find it.

Green Sails

2009-08-23T07:45:00.006+02:00

Since this world has been going nuts making everything green this and green that, I have decided to write this post in purple.

It's been a while since I took my pulse through this blog, I find myself in a position where I have to say goodbye to a place that I clearly did not appreciate enough. I used to think that my only sole purpose in life was to escape and never come back. Yet when that dream came true, I suddenly wanted to wake up and go back to what I knew best. The most painful thing I could have done though was to build a life in multiple places so that I'd always be missing something. Well, that's exactly what I've done. I'm splattered all over this globe and until the day comes when I finally pick myself up, I'll never know where my original bottle is. It can be in Fiji for all I know. For now I just have to accept that I am like a boat ready to set sail at any moment just waiting for the wind to blow in the right direction.

Sails up, the wind is blowing from the West this time!

The Show

2009-05-14T16:45:00.004+02:00

This is just another post that is meant to rant about nothing, or everything. It will eventually return to me once the water has finished boiling, the eggs hatching and the ice cubes melting. In the meantime, I might as well go on and sluice down my mind before I take on Maxwell and Carnot for another go.

There's always something interesting about the fact I find so much amusement in everything as of late. As a dear friend pointed out, I have a front row seat with popcorn gazing at the spectacle ahead of me. It can be cruel to think this way but I'd much rather hope for a happy ending rather than a parodic one. Therefore, I can either smile or roll in the aisles with laughter. I can finally say I understand the true meaning of a Tragicomedy.

So what happens at the very end? Do the actors step out of roll to greet the audience or do they themselves fall victim to this farce? Too bad that I will have already walked out on this performance long before its ending. I only await the culminating smash.

Not that I'm not enjoying it...

The Spatula

2009-05-03T22:59:00.007+02:00

I found the best cure. Pancakes. For the superficial ones, go ahead and stuff yourself with pancakes if you are dumb enough to take it literally. But think about what happens when you're making them. You pour the batter nicely into a pan and you let it cook on one side...and then you flip it. If the flip is done at the right moment, the bottom is saved from being burnt. The other side's fate depends solely on the one holding the spatula. We're still far away from taking out the maple syrup but regardless of what happens next, we know that one side is saved. Nevertheless, the beauty of it all is that when you hold the spatula, it's not such a big deal if one gets ruined.

There's always plenty more batter in the bowl.

I'd rather be a hammer than a nail...

2009-04-24T21:45:00.006+02:00

Waste, garbage, rubbish, trash, refuse, litter, debris, flotsam and jetsam, dross, junk, detritus, scrap; dregs, scraps; sewage, effluent.

What never existed in the first place can't be neglected, ignored or denied. All that was, was not and all that it was supposed to be was nothing but a mirage found along the Death Valley. A fictitious photograph of a false future blown-up by the mind to grotesque proportions. We all know what happens to a balloon when you inflate it too much? Yeah, you realize that the great "mass" it appears to hold is nothing but thin air. The great thing about hollow dreams is that the hollow pain that follows their failure is harmless. Nevertheless, life is too short to allow oneself to be surrounded by these void emotions which bring us empty happiness.

Good thing I didn't try to recycle...

Fuckin' Bruges

2009-01-22T14:24:00.007+01:00

life is never supposed to be simple, there are many different kinds of trees, what goes up must come down, is war peace? is love hate? is happiness bad? is common sense illogical? is salad good for you? do mirrors reflect? are rails cold? is green purple? do cows moo? is sugar sweet? are forests green? do monkeys wear suits? is time infinite? do feelings exist? do hearts beat? does rain sweat? is money evil? is water necessary? is wrong good? is right absurd? do birds fly? does food bounce? do rivers cry? Am I insane?

This post is made from a percentage of recyclable material

2008-07-12T08:56:00.005+02:00

What are you really doing when you recycle?

Instead of throwing something out, discarding it or destroying it, you put it aside, letting it mutate like a virus. Inevitably, it comes back to strike you harder. This time you are unprepared, you think you discarded it but it has a different form. It flies under the radar, it knows your weakness and goes straight for it. The Romans, after their battles with Barbarian tribes would leave all their weaponry and armour behind on the battlefield. Eventually, the Barbarians conquered them by learning to use their weapons, adapting to their tactics and attacking their Achilles' heal. Next time, just use a fucking shredder.

0% is also a percent.

Stuttgart

2008-03-25T02:09:00.004+01:00

Here's a short video I made on my digital camera during the few hours I spent walking around in Stuttgart's centre. I apologize for the poor quality.

Strikes: A Frog tradition

2007-12-09T22:42:00.001+01:00

I think I can permit myself to bring you all another report from the Frogland.

Since I have got here, there have been 3 major strikes. The railway workers, public transport and students...yes students! Allow me to fill you all in with the gripping details of each.

The French invented strikes, the French clearly suffer from them the most. The SNCF (French Railway Network) decided to go on strike because their pension plan privileges were taken away. They have gone on strike twice in just one month and plan to have a third right before the Christmas holidays. I don't want to even try to explain how much this has put the entire country on its head. I know, I know, It's a free country, but isn't liberty bound by the next person's? If people cannot get to work because of this ~~idiocy~~ action you are abusing your liberty SNCF!

I won't go too much into the public transport one since it was a pretty sad strike (especially by local standards) that only lasted one day. However, the one about students complaining they receive no money from Sarkozy is a good one. I'm not going to say much since one argument can summarize exactly what I think: The tuition fees in France are between 100-400 euros per year...for all students! Any more questions?

I say, keep it up...Faire la grève, c'est français! Gribbit...

Long time no write...

2007-12-08T03:14:00.001+01:00

I have to say I have been won over by the spirit of Christmas again! It's been a long time and I finally feel it here in Strasbourg, France. It's such a beautiful place, with all the lights, the Marché de noel, Vin Chaud and everything else that comes along with all this. While I'm sure the commercialization of Christmas has reached France as it has everywhere, it's very clear that if you try hard enough...maybe you can just escape it.

Frog report

2007-11-11T11:52:00.000+01:00

So, I arrive in France to see a country that I honestly have trouble understanding how it works. While it's a great country, the bureaucracy here is almost like a bad joke. Perhaps I understand better now why the French have their own style that characterizes them, why people make fun of them so much; people need to find their own ways to survive and the truth is, this is the only way to do it. So what does an outsider like me do? I can sit here and compare the system to that in Canada which is much more simplified but that doesn't get me anywhere, I need to be like them and slalom between their procedures which seem more like obstacles to discourage people to do anything here. Hence, in the end most people give up from the start and choose to sit in their chairs and do nothing. It's unbelievable how long it took me to get internet. On October 3rd, they came to activate my line (it normally takes 3 weeks here), however they did it wrong and my internet still did not work. So brace yourselves my fellow readers, because you will now hear about the amazing relationship I have with Orange - France Telecom, the providers of the ever so famous Livebox and nationally renowned as the best customer service in France (hehehe).

I call to tell them my internet does not work, that the person came to my house and didn't activate my line. My line was apparently activated in their system but they told me to wait 10 days and if it still doesn't work to call them then. I said to myself - confused as to what could possibly take so long after my line was already activated - okay, they have their own system here, no point in trying to change it just accept it because you are an outsider in their country. Finally, 10 days pass and still nothing. I start to get aggravated, I call them more often and I find myself talking to Orange customer service more than I speak to anyone else (At least I make friends fast). Finally, a technician comes to fix it, he says it was just kid's play, a simple mistake with the wiring in the basement.

All I have to say is, Vive la France! ...Because I have no idea how you haven't died yet.

Next slide please

2007-06-25T02:14:00.001+02:00

I've almost forgotten I had this.

So, where to start...the fact that I'm done high school and moving on means that what just passed doesn't matter. It's time for a fresh start, not because i need one but because every now and then we need to change our bedsheets.

I have been here for 11 years. Eleven years where I have grown up into the person I am today. As I grew older, I started to realize that although I have a nice life here, this is not my home. Home is where you feel a spiritual belonging to the people around you and to your mundane actions. This year brought a total understanding of this feeling. "I wake to sleep and take my waking slow...I learn by going where I have to go". I need to get out of this cycle. I need an injection to my life, perhaps I can then find a new meaning, an improved one. I feel I have exhausted all my resources here.

Now that I don't need to question this place anymore, I feel I enjoy it more. Who knows what life has in store. Maybe I find that while I love my time in Europe, I really was always looking for something else. Perhaps I am so wrong about everything. Perhaps I'm just a crazy teenager who just finished high school and wants to go into the world, on his own like a bull. Maybe all this is true. But how would I know that unless I go and experience it? This way, I am not just continuing my education, I am continuing my understanding of myself. It's so scary how the main theme I wrote about this year in all my English papers: Search for Universality, fits my life like a glove. Although I don't actually believe that it can be found, I might come closer to finding new explanations. New explanations that can broaden my contextual box (excuse my TOK). After all, I have nothing to lose. Either I continue to be in the same situation as I am in over here or I have everything to gain. I feel that to be able to feel comfortable and content about my future, I need to make sure I eliminate all regrets. Because if I didn't leave right now, when I still have a chance to, I might regret it later. I refuse to live a life with regrets.

Tetris

2006-11-26T08:02:00.003+01:00

Has anybody ever felt like life is a tetris game? Pieces just come at you so quickly you may lose your sense of reaction. You may screw up where you set the new pieces and things just pile up to a point where it becomes almost impossible to clean everything up. Well I think I'm slowly getting to the point where things may soon be getting cleaned up, I'm left with a relatively clean line, hoping to get that perfect piece to set everything straight. While my words here may make sense to some, or sound like complete gibberish to others, I say it nonetheless. The tetris game goes on, and the pieces come faster and faster. However, you get more experienced and you're quick to react to what piece "fate" decides for you next. The important thing is that once the lines are relatively straight and there are no gaps, one must always keep maintenance. More importantly, one most always know where each piece must go. Otherwise, you are sent right back to where you started, only you're further into the game. Until one day, you lose your sense of reaction and it's game over. No this doesn't necessarily mean you're dead, you simply just lost the game, we all lose eventually...It just matters whether or not you posted a high score.

The final (of Zizou)

2006-07-10T22:17:00.000+02:00

Nice final in the fact that Italy won, my original choice from the start of the tournament. France had periods where they played much better. But Italy won it fair and square. Sure it may not have been beautiful football all the times, but they were strong and nobody was able to beat them. FORZA ITALIA FORZA AZZURRRIIIII

It's sad about Zizou. Such a great player, to have to stain his pure name by what he did. However, Zidane sacrificed his name for an idea. For the stop of racism, and to protect the name of his mother. Materazzi should have some respect for the legend that is Zizou and not talk like that. He thought about the good of football instead of the whole team or himself. He did it for the good of football and because of what this game has done for him. Because he got so far and rose so great above everybody else from a game of football. Thats why they call it the greatest game on earth, the beautiful game. Zidane, you will still be one of the greatest, far better than Maradona, thank you for making the greatest game on earth even better! You have wrote a new page in Football. And you deserve to be mentioned along the greatest ever. Right up there with Pele. We love you!

Bravo Zizou, et merci pour les merveilles que tu a fait pendant tes années de gloire! ALLEZ LES BLEUS!!!!